his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
