This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Randomize
