I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
