You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
