You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Randomize
