she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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