Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
