Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
