so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Randomize
