I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Randomize
