Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
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