i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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