how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
