I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Randomize