it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Randomize
