i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
I wear drunk well.
Randomize
