If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
