I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
