I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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