shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
