Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
