I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize