things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
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