ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
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