I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
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