So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
