Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Randomize
