it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
