UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize