So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
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