So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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