this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Randomize
