If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
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