Will you blow on my dice?
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
Randomize
