There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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