What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Randomize
