The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Randomize
