Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
my poor anus
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
