he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Randomize
