I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
