I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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