It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
