You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
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