Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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