If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Randomize