one might say we're banned from that church
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
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