I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Randomize
