there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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