***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
