just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize
