is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Randomize
