come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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