it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
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