respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
