Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
You have to summon your inner elephant
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Randomize
