every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Randomize
