I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
He passed out mid-signature
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Randomize
