Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
