Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
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