dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
