I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
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