well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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