he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Randomize
