I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
