Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Blood and glitter go together right?
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
