Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
