i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
