if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
You think ghandi was good in the sack? cuz i sure do.
I'm not gay.
Soooo you want ghandi? is that what your telling me?
If ghandi gives good head...I'm in
Its fine.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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