My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
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