I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
