She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
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