when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
