I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize