i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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