Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Randomize
