dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
