girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Randomize
