I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
smell my finger.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Randomize