just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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