my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
