I want to have your abortion
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize