I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
