How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
