If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
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