i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
