:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Randomize
