now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
