Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
