Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
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