I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Randomize
