Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
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