We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
he just fucked me for my cheese..
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
