So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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