Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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